Barney Gumble does a weekly check of the Washington Times advertisers to marvel at how much money they're making. Listening Mickey?
The Weekly Review of Advertising in The Washington Times: May 13-19, 2000
What these old people have about buying coins is beyond me. Do they really think that society is going to crash in some Mad Max style post-nuclear holocaust and their 78 year old ass is going to survive because of these coins? Or when the rapture comes their coins are going to be lifted up into the sky with them? Oh well, they'll be happy they spent $29 on two "mint-state quality"(?) silver dollars. ($29 + $2 S&H, P. 5 1/4 page)
Buy a Grundig ($149 + $10 S&H, P. 7 Color full page)
"EVERYTHING IS ELECTRONS INCLUDING YOU!" One of those way too much tiny text ads for something that adds oxygen to water. Don't send money, just your name and address. (P.9, full page)
Tours geared towards WWII Vets (Italy campaign etc.) (No price given. P. 11, full page)
"You Too Can Develop a Razor-Sharp Mind", book. Oddly, this medical breakthrough was not first published in Nature or JAMA: "And, finally, a rigorously exercised brain will not develop Alzheimer's disease." ($29.95. + 4.95 S&H, P. 13 1/4 page)
The WT wants you to buy the WT coffee mug. $10.95 + $3 S&H (P. 14, full page)
Again with the coins. Pry a $20 Saint Gaudens gold piece from Charlton Heston's cold, dead fingers. HestonGoldCoins, (No price, P. 18, Color 3/5 page)
Attend the Western Conservative Conference! This is an 12 page "Special Advertorial Section". (their words). I love this headline on the first page Lyn Nofziger: Most Beloved Figure of Reagan Era. Interestingly, the website of the conference is WWW.LYNNOFZIGER.COM so I think he can kiss that "Mr. Humility 2002 Award" goodbye. The section contains a mix of faux articles ("...Hayes especially thanked the Washington Times National Weekly Edition, calling it "The indispensable source of information for conservatives...", and paranoia (booklet, "Stealth Invasion: Red Chinese Operations in North America"). (12 pages, 2 color, murky but probably unwholesome financing.)
Self help CD's, "Conversation Confidence". ...The 2 most powerful instant rapport techniques...How to "work a room" the way the champion socializers do...Verbal Advantage (No price given, which means expensive. P. 19 color full page)
Subscribe to WORLD magazine, The "only weekly news magazine in America to provide you with timely news and current events from a biblical perspective." No price given. (P. 25, full page)
Another Verbal Advantage ad. "I learned more from this program than I did in four years of college." (I think it is safe to say that statement is aimed at people who did not get four years of college). (No Price given. P. 30 color full page)
Book, Goodbye, Good Men: How Liberals Brought Corruption into the Catholic Church. I didn't know that "Psychological Counseling is used to screen out the faithful". I might also argue with the premise of the subtitle (Liberalism has only been around since the late 1700's, (picking Rousseau as a starting point)) while the Catholic Church in the 1500's was...not corrupt? Oh well, If you're a Catholic reading the Moonie Washington Times you already have issues. If this melts your butter it will only set you back $24.95 + $5 S&H. (P. 40, color full page, back cover)
What have we learned this week?
Ads for the elderly had an early strong showing, but it looks like the stupid pulled ahead (Razor sharp mind, verbal advantage) around the final turn. It also goes to show that investing in gold and silver is not just stupid, it's elderly and stupid.
I'm kind of distressed at how stupid, elderly hate-filled christians are wasting what remains of whatever life they had. They allow these low on the food chain types at the WT to prey on them just by reinforcing their hate. INSTEAD: Plant a garden, call an old friend, sweep the sidewalk in front of your building. Just do something that reinforces a positive emotion for a change. Don't be a dying cockroach, on your back, legs still twitching, while the HATE tape replays and replays and replays until metabolism finally ceases...
Another WT Reality Check next week.
