Wednesday, June 29, 2005

New Format

Just to warn people that the new format necessitates a few changes around here. First, I'm going to add the WWWA news ticker to make sure we all keep abreast of the latest developments on missing white women everywhere. Second, there will be no more bad news about the war. It's all good in Iraq, and if you disagree you're undermining and a traitor. Third, a lot more TomKat coverage. TomKat is what the nation wants to hear about, and since every other news, commentary, and editorial outlet is doing TomKat watch, so must we do it here. Fourth, sharks bitches! SHARKS! Fifth, I plan on doing an entire issue entitled "The Internet Transforms Modern Life," because I've got quite a scoop about that. Sixth, I plan to begin a series about how Leprechauns will save Social Security as long as we add private accounts. Seventh, Lou Dobbs will write an occasional column entitled "The Brown Menace." Eighth, a regular feature will promote books containing known falsehoods. Ninth, John Tierney will occasionally guest blog edit the magazine for a semi-regular "proof women are shit" edition. And, finally, number 10, Mallard Filmore will be the daily comic because there's nothing funnier than a duck reading John Stossel transcripts.