Wednesday, April 11, 2012

WANKER OF THE DECADE - Runner Up #4

Mark Halperin.

I'm not even sure what Mark Halperin's job is anymore, aside from being a dick on Morning Joe, but once upon a time he oversaw production of The Note, ABC News's morning emailed news tip sheet, back before such things were commonplace. It strung together a digest of the supposedly important news stories of the day with a gossipy self-important narrative which posited the existence of a "Gang of 500," basically the people who run Washington and therefore the world. You know, Mark Halperin, Mark Halperin's friends, people who kiss Mark Halperin's ass, Republicans, and assorted other worthies. This was in the post-9/11 era when, much as a segment of a prior generation continually imagined they were refighting the Spanish Civil War (unclear on which side), the DC chattering classes imagined themselves as noble warriors on the front lines of The Global War On Terror. In world of The Note, everything was good news for Republicans and Matt Drudge ruled the world.


The Note was all very self-referential and insidery, which had a certain appeal to outsiders imagining they were getting the water cooler chat from Very Important People, the aforementioned Gang of Wankers. It was what people interested in politics would read because they thought it gave some insight into the insider's view of how the world worked. And it did do that, but after reading The Note for awhile, with its jokey indifference to just about everything other than just how important the Gang Of Wankers truly was, the reader would begin to suspect that David Icke is right and we are actually ruled by a race of alien reptilian humanoids dedicated to the destruction or enslavement of humanity and that the Washington Swampland was actually the inspiration for the 3rd scene of The Garden of Earthly Delights. If human, and not alien, then The Gang of 500, as portrayed in The Note, were truly the worst people in the world. People so awful no decent human beings would dare get near them. The horror of this world was compounded by the fact that it seemed as if the notional members of the Gang of Wankers seemed to actually like how they were portrayed. Nobody objected that I can remember, despite Halperin's expressed view of his tribe. After years spent elevating the stupid and the trivial, Halperin had a sad about it. And another.


It's hard to imagine a bigger saddo then someone desperate to court the approval of Hugh Hewitt As with most of the wankers, he's basically wrong about everything all of the time and then wrong just a little bit more. And did I mention he was a dick?