Saturday, May 04, 2002

Tucker Carlson deserves a good cockpunching. Jeff Koopersmith did it five years ago , but he's due for another.

Subject: greetings
From: Tucker Carlson
Dear Jeff,

Fuck you.


Tucker Carlson

I've been watching this adolescent nemesis for about a year now. Carlson, who is easily spotted as a thug who accidently "made it" too quickly, must have
read something I wrote about him in American Politics Journal. I'm not sure what it was; he isn't that important, but I'm sure it wasn't flattering.

My response to his ever-present creamy white skin on pundit television: huh? Who's he?

It turns out that Carlson was spawned by the ever-truth-twisting Heritage Foundation where he was a shooting star that landed at Bill Kristol's Weekly
Standard, where he's now a staff writer.

Carlson must have one brilliant agent, because you can hardly turn on the television lately without seeing him making a fool of himself -- often sporting a bow
tie in honor, I suppose, of George Will.

I've seen entire tribes of Tucker Carlsons come and go during my 25-odd years in Washington, and I can't understand why Kristol -- who's one of the few
conservatives with a good mind -- keeps him around. Maybe it's because he's so cuddly.

Anyway, I fired off copies of Carlson's e-mail to the Heritage foundation, the White House and the Weekly Standard -- for openers. Sometime today we'll get
around to faxing it to the FBI, which frowns on such language in uninvited discourse, and then to most House Republicans and as many Christian
Coalition-type leaders and organizations we can find.

It will be fun.

Tucker's suicidal note reminded me of my own boarding school antics. Only difference is, Carlson is in his late 20s and we were 14.