U.S. President George W. Bush says he believes the quality of the intelligence reports he receives is "darn good." see: "Darn good", posted by Lambert
Darn right. And a mighty fine darning at that. No one can weave yarns over a tattered gaping hole quite like the basting magicians of the Bush administration. The spinning frames and stitching contraptions of our supranational White House alteration shop never stop whirring as new and wondrous patterns and fanciful embroideries are patched daily into our national quilt. Them Crawford Gang boys is the fastest thimbles this side of the garment district. And fars as the faithful is concerned, no darn sock hole is gonna ruin a darn good buttonhook and seamy international hornswoggle whiles the Crawford Gang is clenching the chalk.
darn: v. - To mend by weaving thread or yarn across a gap or hole. To repair a hole, as in a garment, by weaving thread or yarn across it. darn: n. - a hole repaired by weaving thread or yarn across it: a sock full of darns. (American Heritage Dictionary)
No sir. We can't have our high Brahman of Defense and Minister of Terminological Inexactitude, Don "four corners of the compass" Rumsfeld, running around the global showroom with holes in his socks like some kind of sweatshop hunchback. How would that look? What do you think they'd have to say about something like that on Downing Street? "Blutty Americans, can't mind their sock-holes...tea anyone!?" Or something like that.
So. To show an appreciation for fine tatting and tailorin' and general overall inoperative statement knitting when it presents itself, I suggest that every American patriot go a rootin' through a sock drawer and produce at least one sock in need of a good darn. And a darn good darn at that. Send that darned sock in need of darning off to the White House. Tell em you want your sock patched up and returned in darn good quality condition before winters baneful howl is roaring under the gawd darn door and heating-oil, gas prices, and layoffs conquer K2 heights of corporate fancy. Tell them its a private intelligence initiative called Operation Sock Holder and the spirit of darnation hovers in the shadows and shrubbery of today's Rose Garden the way the ghosts of louisette hover to this day in the shadows of the Bourbon court of Louis the XVI. Tell them Betsy Ross sent you.
And don't forget to request a receipt and a certificate of authenticity that reads: "this darned sock has been personally inspected by number 43". Take no darned bullshit.
Sock it to em darn good. Goddamn-it.
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