Tuesday, December 09, 2003

Eschaton Endorsement

It's time for the official Eschaton endorsement. Having surveyed the field of current Democratic candidates, and finding them all fatally flawed and utterly unelectable, I have concluded that there is only one man who can beat George Bush.

That man is former Senator Paul Tsongas. Yes, I know he's dead, but even dead he has more charisma than John Edwards, more raw power than Wesley Clark, more fire in his belly than Howard Dean, more experience than John Kerry, and a more beautiful singing voice than Joe Lieberman.

Look folks, without Tsongas we're doomed. Wesley Clark is a war criminal who is rumored to be a child molester. Howard Dean takes his marching orders directly from Pol Pot. John Edwards got rich off the backs of poor insurance company executives. John Kerry has hair. Joe Lieberman is controlled by Ariel Sharon. Tsongas is the only one who can save America from George W. Bush.

Viva Paul Tsongas! Tsongas for president!