Thursday, April 05, 2012


Diane Sawyer.

Most of these awards will be, to some degree, a tribute to a lifetime of achievement in the field of advanced Ph.D level wanking. And for all I know, Diane Sawyer deserves this. But I'm not an advanced Sawyerologist, and really don't have a tremendous sense of her lifetime of accomplishments in this area, so this is probably the one wanker award given for a single moment of truly quality wanking. It's for a moment of wanking that only the most brilliant wankers even aspire to, let alone achieve.

You all might remember those crazy days of late 2002/2003, after the new product had been rolled out after Labor day. The new product, was, unsurprisingly, death and destruction in some random country for no good reason. It remains a surprisingly popular product, if not nearly as popular as Fred Hiatt's crayon scribble page has always led us to believe. There are bad guys, and we must kill them in the name of freedom and liberation, and if a couple hundred thousand souls are liberated along the way...oopsy, our bad.

In the midst of this environment - why do you love Saddam so much! - at a concert in London, the Dixie Chicks provided the opportunity for Rove and the gang, along the worst people in journalism. Violating the 'only operative during Republican administrations' rule against criticizing the president for celebrities, Natalie Maines, truly the best Chick, said this about Dear Leader:

Just so you know we're ashamed that the president of the United States is from Texas.

Given the ensuing response, which, as with the Tea Party eruption, our glorious press hailed and cheered as The Only Proper Reaction Of Real Americans, one would have thought, at a minimum, that she'd suggested we'd all be better off if our country was ruled by a menage-a-trois of Hitler, Saddam, and Scott Stapp. The UK term for what the press did to them is "monstered." Shut up and sing you bitches!

Presumably doing as their publicist suggested, though to their credit mostly not backing down, our Chicks spoke to Diane Sawyer as part of their penitents tour. Sawyer was shocked at the disrespect given to Dear Leader. A sample of what she said.

Why did you say it?

Big cheer? Did you want that?

Neither of you listening to it, said, ...

One columnist said "she might as well have said Osama Bin Laden is her lover."..?

"Stupid Broads"...?

On the internet they had pictures of you with Saddam...?

What do they really think about the president, and the fighting forces oversees?

What happened, as we said, places them at the center of a really important debate about who is a patriot, and who is a loyal American?

What were the Dixie Chicks really thinking that night?

The girls admit that back before the fighting began, they were questioning the whole idea of war.

You don't think Saddam Hussein is a monster? What would you have done about Saddam Hussein?

The people who are sitting at home who would say to you, if you're going to criticize the president for his decision, you'd better have your own plan.

But they say, don't even ordinary people have a right to wonder, even to doubt?

But we asked them, can you really support the troops while doubting their mission?

People actually think you encourage the enemy, when you say something like that at a moment like that.

Even people who people said it's fine to question the war were shocked that someone would stand on a stage and question the Commander in Chief.

Maines says she was trying to fire back back, as she shot herself in the foot.

Are you ashamed the president of the United States if from your state?

"Ashamed, ashamed"....

I hear something not quite...wholehearted...when you talk about apologizing for what you said about the president.

I couldn't find a transcript on the internets. I'm a lazy blogger and I only made it through about half of the interview online, but you get the idea.

No posthumous awards, but it should be mentioned that the noblest of men, Chris Hitchens, called them "fucking fat slags."

...8th runner up.

...9th runner up.