Thursday, July 12, 2018

All Hail The Mighty Whistlepig

America's greatest species.

House Speaker Paul Ryan explained Thursday that a family of woodchucks moved into his Chevy Suburban recently, eating the wiring, and rendering the car useless.

"My car was eaten by animals," Ryan said, to laughs from an audience at an event hosted by the Economic Club of Washington D.C. "It's just dead."

The finest specimen you will find
Of Rodentia: Sciuridae
Our own uncanny whistle-pig
The ground-est hog that ever lived