Friday, June 06, 2003

Notes from the farmer

Here´s a post from the farmer who hasn´t yet managed to get into blogger correctly for some reason...:

I'm Here. Like it or Not.
posted by, the farmer.

As most of you probably know by now, I'm one of several people who've been invited to guest-post at Eschaton while Atrios is away.

Essentially I've been handed, free and clear of any responsiblity to anyone but myself and my powerful anonymous overseer(s), an open stage to parade about upon - in the spotlight - in full kevlar jacket and shark-skin boot. Regurgitating spurious tales of mathematical impossibilities and of dire horrors skulking about in the gloaming. Cockatrice spawn, hatched from the eggs of serpents, coiled in wait around each twist and turn and wrinkle in the road map to imperium. Abominations and superstitions so awful that they can only be imagined. And thats why I'm here. To help excite those imaginings and superstitions while you all sit quietly transfixed by my simplistic gibberings and convoluted points of view on this and that and the other thing. Whichever direction my moral compass spins, you will spin with me. While I remain free to bother people pretty much willy nilly as I see fit. A codpieced cockerel in a gilded canary cage. And theres nothing you can do about it! Nothing! N!
othing at all....!

Hey..wait a friggin' minute here. Ooops, sorry. Thats was an excerpt from an early draft of a July fourth celebrations speech written for the Rove people by my aunt Karen.
Just forget it.

Lets just move on and get this over with.
I've also been provided a confidential 'eyes only' copy of the secret Atrios Tour of Undisclosed Vacation Locations itinerary. My early efforts to decipher the contents of this journey, on behalf of freedom of information loving peoples around the world, reveals that Atrios will be delivering, on Saturday June 3rd, the opening invocation for this years Annual Eastern PA Regional Gym Teachers Association Prayer Breakfast and Grass Court Medicine Ball Rolling Tourney in Skytop PA. Tucked nicely between the Promised Land to the north and Paradise Valley to the south. So drop in for the afternoon towel snapping workshop if you're in the area. Otherwise, thats all I know about the Tour at this late hour. Which sounds like a good enough gig as it is. Afterall, what more could one man with 350 steak knife sets and a barmy farm GOP offspring son by the same name - who I've chained to a steel floor ventilation grate in a small remote back area storage room for my own protection - need !
or want for. Not much I think. Not much at all. The man lives a charmed life.

So. Until I've had a chance to at least briefly familiarize myself with the complex geneological diagrams of Sid Blumenthal's family tree in the guest commentator user manual and sign off on the Buffy loyalty oath and screw around somewhat with the mysterious VLWC-HQ communications console with genuine stained oak veneer, padded elbow rests, voice activated spell checker and giant pulsating Clenis(tm) power crystals life support apparatus, I'll leave you all to ponder the following horrors and abominations and cockatrice spawn:

DINESH D'SOUZA: "I want to thank the people at Fox and Newscorp for inviting us to contribute a commentary to this excellent film. Far too often DVD commentaries exhibit a distinctly liberal bias."

ANN COULTER: "I agree. I think it's basically endemic of the hegemonic leftist control of all forms of media expression — burying conservative subtexts beneath a lot of lefty cuddling. Now, as the titles come up, perhaps we should talk a little bit about the first Alien movie. I see that film as evidencing the insidious effects of a creeping, dangerous worldview slowly infecting a small group of people, and then one by one destroying them. Not unlike, say, liberalism."

That sounds familiar. Anyway, Tbogg has more here
Follow the link through tbogg's post for the complete details.

And also check out 'DrFrankLives' new blog stinging-nettle
He has a good post on the latest banana oil pitch from that diseased babbit from Texas, Tom Delay. (update: so does tbogg)

Thats about it for me for the time bein'. Now if I can just figure out how to activate the VLWC high resolution liberal global positioning system tracking screen with wide area augmentation I'll be in business. All these switches and sliding levers and blinking pie tin gizmos. Its like an Ed Wood movie here. Jeebers. Lets see what --- this button does.

uh-oh.....I wonder if that door was supposed to lock like that?